fantasy by Gay Degani
from The Chronicle Personals: SPOTTED & SOUGHT / Sunday, January 3
Friday night at the Mobil station.
You: hot guy in scruffy beard & flannel shirt caught my eye, a forty in one hand, a pack of Marlborough’s in the other. Me: pumping unleaded into my mama’s rusty Olds Cutlass.
You grinned and said someone with a chassis like mine deserved a better ride. Then you climbed into a 1969 VW bug. But STILL I liked your chassis just fine.
Wanna meet? When: Monday at 10 P.M. Where: Mobil station. You: Man. Me: Woman.
from The Chronicle Personals: SPOTTED & SOUGHT / Wednesday, January 6
You were a no show, mr. scruffy & flannel.
You: hot guy at Mobil station on Friday night. Me: girl in Oldsmobile with nice chassis.
I waited outside the gas station in the Cutlass for an hour. Two forties and a carton of cigs. WTF, BUG-MAN. I was hoping you’d show up and we could put on some Keith Urban and you could rock my world.
But maybe you don’t read the personals or maybe you didn’t read them on Sunday morning. Maybe you had one helluva hangover and couldn’t crawl out of bed. Or maybe you’d gotten sidetracked by some other woman with a nice chassis.
Irregardless, I’m willing to give you another chance because you gave me such a promising smile and your eyes have that little sparkle I like. When: Wednesday at 10 P.M. Where: Mobil station. You: Man. Me: Woman.
from The Chronicle Personals: SPOTTED & SOUGHT / Friday, January 8
How the hell was I supposed to know you have a girlfriend?
You: hot guy from the Mobil Station. Me: girl with 4 slit tires on her mom’s Olds.
You could’ve taken out a personal ad and told me you were spoken for. You didn’t have to send your Amazon girl friend after me. She is NOT an attractive woman, hot guy. Built like a fucking bear. And she’s strong.
There I was sitting up in the front seat, flipping through People Magazine, when suddenly I thought there was a giant earthquake going on.
I thought she’d roll my mom’s car right into the ditch. Thank goodness I locked my doors, because she pounded and smacked at the glass and I was so scared I peed my pants, thinking she’d pick up a rock and smash my windows.
Guess she isn’t that bright.
She eventually got tired of watching me panic and took off in your VW. I wanted to get the hell out of there, too, but that’s when I realized she’d slit my tires. I was not happy about spending the night out there, a Mobil station being devoid of magic of any kind, but I’m willing to forgive you.
I know you wouldn’t be with that awful woman if you weren’t scared to death, so here’s the plan. When: Saturday night at 12 A.M. Where: At the crossroads rest stop on I-13. You: Man who needs help. Me: Woman willing to give it.
Don’t let the bitch read this!
from The Chronicle Personals: SPOTTED & SOUGHT / Sunday, January 10
I gave you plenty of chances, didn’t I?
You: scruffy guy from the Mobil Station. Me: girl with no regrets.
I suppose I should have been a little more up FRONT with you from the beginning, but sometimes I get a yearning to be like normal girls, who hang out at Curly’s on Saturday night, pick up hot guys, and hook up in the cabs of their trucks.
And that’s where I was going when you showed up on my radar with your scraggly beard and Bud Lights. I thought, there he is right there, that one.
After the incident at the Mobil station—the one with your gorilla girlfriend—I decided I needed to tap into a little bit of magic I have by way of my mom, she of the Oldsmobile Cutlass. And my father too. Between the two of them, it’s quite a gene pool, but only at the crossroads.
I was hoping none of it would matter. You would read my note and see what a forgiving heart I have and remembering my sweet little chassis, you’d come alone and we could shake things up. But you didn’t.
The two of you were like clowns climbing out of that VW after you parked at the rest stop. You both put your hands on your hips and glanced around until she spied me. Then the two of you came after me. Big mistake.
I stood exactly in the center where the two roads intersect, where my power is the greatest, but you didn’t have a clue and strode forward with purpose. You were not, I could see, a prisoner of this woman. You were her equal, her consort, her savage lover.
I realized I’d been wrong once again. You were not the one to rock my world. So with a few enchanted words from me, the black asphalt split open and only for a moment did you both look at me with anything other than anger and dismissal.
A horrified comprehension crossed your faces as you slithered into the earth. Sorry about that. You: Man gone to hell with Amazon bride. Me: Woman still looking.
from The Chronicle Personals: SPOTTED & SOUGHT / Wednesday January 13
Cute redhead jogging north in sweats.
You: spotted running at dusk on Monday in front of Curly’s Bar and Grill. You waved and said, “How you doing?” Me: climbing out of my mom’s Olds Cutlass, four brand new tires.
copyright January 2010 by Gay Degani
Gay Degani lives in southern California. She blogs about writing at Words in Place.